


Insinuations

by YumYumPM



Series: Insinuations [1]
Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E.
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-13
Updated: 2014-01-13
Packaged: 2018-01-08 13:29:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1133214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumYumPM/pseuds/YumYumPM
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Illya insinuates that he's interested in men.  Meet Max, Illya's latest love interest.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Insinuations

Whistling a jaunty tune, Illya Kuryakin entered his office sorting through his mail.

“You must have had a wonderful evening. What’s her name?” Napoleon didn't ever bother to look up from the desk facing Illya’s where he was working.

Illya stopped short. Oh, that’s right Napoleon’s office is being redecorated. He thought before sitting down at his desk to finish sorting his mail and he responded without thinking. “What makes you think it’s a she?” He teased, then held his breath when he realized what he’d said and looked at his partner. He caught a glimmer of something in Napoleon’s eyes. “Does that bother you?’

Napoleon considered. “Hell yes. I’m a male and you’ve never hit on me!”

Illya saw the glint of humor in Napoleon’s dark eyes. “Do you want me to – ‘hit’ on you?” he asked trying to keep the smile that threatened to appear off his face.

“Sure. Why not.” The American shrugged before going back to his paperwork. “Think of all the money I’d save not having wine and dine you.” 

The two men worked in companionable silence. Then Illya threw out another small tidbit of information. “His name is Max,” he said suddenly watching his partner out of the corner of one eye. “He’s staying with me for a while.” He could have sworn he saw Napoleon’s jaw tighten. 

_________________________

 

Illya was in his apartment changing. He’d gotten as far as taking off his white shirt when a knock came at his door. He opened the door in his stocking feet. Napoleon Solo, dressed resplendently in a tux, stood outside with his back to the door,. 

“What brings you here?” Illya asked in surprise

Napoleon smoothly passed his partner as he stood holding he door open. His gaze went around the room before turning to look at the man standing there dressed only in slacks and undershirt. “Oh, I just happened to be in the neighborhood and thought I might meet Max.”

Illya’s eyes crinkled with amusement. “He’s right behind you.”

Napoleon whirled around – and saw nothing.

“Meow.” A small squeak came from the floor.

Napoleon looked down to see a very small tiger striped kitten looking up at him with huge green eyes. He looked back at Illya, his eyebrow raised. “That’s Max?” he asked with relief as he sat down on the couch.

Illya squatted down to scratch the kitten behind his ears. “Of course. What - did you think Max was…?”

“Never mind,” Napoleon said hurriedly as he looked at the kitten whose green eyes were looking back at him.

The kitten jumped on the couch to investigate the strange person who had just entered his space. 

“Can I get you anything?” Illya offered.

“No, I just stopped by…” Napoleon lost his train of thought as the kitten walked along the back of the couch and nuzzled his ear. It then jumped down into his lap and putting its paws on his chest, licked Napoleon’s lips.

“He likes you,” Illya said with amusement. “He’s not really mine, you know. I’m just watching him while his owner is in the hospital.”

“Yuck.” Napoleon picked the kitten up off his chest and turned it over. “I hate to tell you this, Illya, but Max is a Maxine,” he informed his partner as he set the kitten down on the floor.

Napoleon’s curiosity now satisfied, he got ready to leave. He looked back at the kitten that was chasing its tail and smiled in amusement. 

Once Napoleon was out the door, Illya turned to look at Max – now Maxine – not surprised that Napoleon was able to tell the difference since it involved sex. Maxine was batting a couple of pieces of paper across the floor. He went over and picked up two tickets to a play. “Where did you get these?” he asked the kitten.

At a knock at the door, Illya opened it to find Napoleon standing there patting down his tux. Napoleon looked and saw the tickets in Illya’s hands. “So that’s where they went.” He noticed Illya looking back at the kitten who was sitting there all innocent. “And here I thought your pick-pocketing skills had much improved.” He smiled as he put the tickets away once more and left.

_________________________

Napoleon pulled up in front of Illya’s apartment building expecting to see Illya waiting for him. When Illya didn’t appear after five minutes Napoleon got out his communicator. “Open Channel L. Come in, Illya.” Receiving no answer Napoleon got out of the car and entered the building in search of his partner.

Napoleon arrived at Illya’s apartment to find the door open. Pulling his gun, he cautiously searched it. No Illya. He reholstered his gun and left the apartment at a loss as to what to do next. 

Heading toward the staircase he stopped short as he spotted a large tiger striped cat. “Max?” Could this possibly be the same little kitten he’d last seen in Illya’s apartment. he thought. “You wouldn’t by any chance know where….?” He stopped and rubbed his face and muttered to himself. “Look at me; I’m talking to a cat.” 

Maxine just blinked both eyes and started back down the stairs. She looked back to see if she was being followed. When she saw that she wasn’t she retraced her steps and uttered a commanding “Yeoooow.”

Napoleon raised his eyebrows. Oh well it was the only lead he had, so he followed the cat.

Maxine bounded down the stairs, pausing every once in a while to make sure he was still behind her. 

Napoleon stood at the entrance to the basement and pushed the door open, watching as the cat continued into the room. Searching the dank space he spotted a pair of legs. “Illya?” 

“Here.” Came the muffled reply.

Napoleon went over and grabbing his partner by the back of his pants hauling him out of the hole he’d gotten himself into. “What exactly were you doing in there?” he asked as he noticed a cut on Illya’s forehead.

“Meeeow.” Squeaked two little kittens that were currently trapped in the space Illya had just vacated. Maxine hopped down and hauled them both out. “Why didn’t you do that earlier?” Illya indignantly asked the cat.

Napoleon took out his handkerchief and applied it to the cut on Illya’s head. “Let’s get you back up the stairs and get this cut treated.” He helped Illya up and, put his arm around him when the Russian started to sway.

They were on their way up the stairs when a shadow, his gun pointed at both of them, appeared on the landing above them. “Well, well. We didn’t expect to find both of you together,” he said as he started down the stairs.

Maxine leading her two kittens up the stairs ‘accidentally’ got in front of the man. He tripped over the cat to land at the feet of the two UNCLE agents with his head at an odd angle.

Illya was still dizzy since he had been hanging head down for quite awhile asked, “What was that all about.”

Napoleon shrugged. “You got me.” 

Napoleon positioned Illya carefully on the sofa. “Don’t go away.” He admonished as he went in search of bandages. Illya wasn’t looking good so Napoleon contacted UNCLE about medical attention and requested a clean up crew for the man in the basement.

He sat down on the couch keeping watch over his close friend and pondered the possibilities.


	2. Insinuations Gone Mad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel to Insinuations

Months ago when Illya had jokingly alluded to a relationship with someone male, Napoleon had insinuated that he wouldn’t mind if Illya were to ‘hit’ on him. Since that time Napoleon had thought a lot about it, and the more he thought the more enamored he became with the idea.

Napoleon had managed to get Illya back up to his apartment after finding him stuck in a hole in the basement in a failed attempt to rescue two kittens. A THRUSH agent had almost managed to take out the two UNCLE agents, but thanks to the help of the mother cat the THRUSH agent was now history.

Illya was almost unconscious by the time they got to the apartment. Napoleon got him comfortable on the couch, and then he contacted UNCLE headquarters and relayed the information about the assassination attempt and requested a doctor for Illya.

Napoleon sat down on the couch and checked Illya’s head. He couldn’t resist running the back of his hand down Illya’s face and across the pouty lips. Illya’s eyes popped open, and Napoleon pulled back his hand as if burnt. 

Illya had learned over the years to read Napoleon like a book - an X rated book.

“Meeeooowww!” Both men turned and looked at the cat who sat near the door way heron the floor flicking her tail angrily. They watched as she marched down the hall and turned to see if they were following. She came back to her starting point and then demandingly repeated. “Meeeoooow!”

Napoleon looked at Illya. “Think she’s trying to tell us something?”

Curious both men got up and followed the cat. Illya still a little dizzy pushed open the door to his bedroom to find the cat sitting majestically upon his bed. Once they had entered the room she blinked before jumping down and leaving the room.

The two agents looked first at the bed and then at the retreating back of the cat. They then looked at each other and said in unison. “Nah.”

“As long as we’re here…” Napoleon said as he looked down at the bed speculatively. 

“You can’t possibly be saying what I think you are saying.” Illya said from the opposite side of the bed. 

“Why not?” Napoleon asked reasonably

“I am a man.” Illya said as he leaned over placing his two fist on the bed. 

Napoleon looked him over. “So?”

Illya crossed his arms and turned away. “This is just a game for you. A game I refuse to play. It’s just like you. You have the arrogance to assume….” He turned back to confront his partner. “You can have and probably have had anyone you want. You don’t want me.”

“Now see here….” Napoleon hissed his eyes narrow with anger.

“Damn it, Napoleon, you’re my partner. I have no wish to put our partnership on the line for your petty …” He stopped in the middle of his tirade and turned away at a loss for words before continuing, “needs. Unless you plan to make it an order?” 

He didn’t see the look of anger that shot from Napoleon’s eyes. Illya’s ranting had hurt, mostly because it was true. That last part hurt the most though, how could Illya think he would order him. Silently Napoleon left the room and then the apartment. 

Maxine watched as the dark on walked quietly out the door, quietly as a cat. She knew on the inside he was seething, but at whom she wasn’t sure. Her green cat eyes wandered over to the bedroom door. She was fond of the little yellow one and wished him joy. She felt he had contentment with his lot, but no joy. She flicked her tail angrily as she squinted her green eyes. She had worked very hard to bring the two together. She had known since the day she met him that the dark one could make the yellow one happy. Cats were psychic that way. Oh well, she thought as she licked the fur on her back, I wash my paws of both of them.

Illya came out of the bedroom to find the living room empty. He couldn’t believe that Napoleon had left without an argument. He answered the knock at the door thinking Napoleon had returned to his senses and come back 

“Solo made it sound like you were at death’s door.” The doctor, one of UNCLE’s resident physicians stated as he entered. He pulled Illya to a chair and proceeded to check his eyes and the cut on his head. “Are you suffering from dizziness, blurred vision, headache, or weakness of any kind?”

“No.” Kuryakin said shortly even though his head was indeed hurting.

The doctor didn’t believe him for a minute and reached into his bag taking out a packet of pill. “Take two of these pills every twelve hours and see me in the morning. I’m placing you on medical leave till then.” He said before Illya could protest.

Illya opened the pack and popped two of the pills in his mouth and then did the worst thing in the world, he washed it down with a tall glass of vodka. He barely made it to the bedroom before he collapsed on the bed.

_________________________

 

Illya was outside his apartment building the next morning waiting for Napoleon to pick him up when Mark Slade pulled up and opened the door to his car. 

“Need a lift, mate?” The young brit asked the Russian waiting at the curb. “Napoleon called and said you might need one.”

Illya got into the car and they drove to UNCLE headquarters in silence.

Entering through the security entrance, Illya was requested to go to Mr. Waverly’s office. He noticed a set of identification as well as a gun lying on the table, a gun that he recognized as Napoleon’s. He picked up the identification and opened it to confirm that it too was Napoleon’s. His eyes questioning he looked up into the face of a very irate Alexander Waverly.

“Do you have any idea as to what’s behind this idiocy?” Waverly demanded.

Kuryakin shook his head in a negative fashion; this was nothing he wished to discuss with his boss. Besides he couldn’t believe Napoleon would leave UNCLE just for some fling.

“Well I wish you’d locate your partner and find out what the hell is going on.” Mr. Waverly who was rarely used profanity requested angrily.

. “Perhaps it would be better if one of the female…?” Illya suggested.

“That’s been tried, with unfortunate results. Ask Miss Dancer. I want you to find your partner, find out what the problem is, and then fix it.” Mr. Waverly was adamant.

“Yes, sir.” The Russian said as he was dismissed. He headed toward Napoleons office to find an irate Brit and his partner at the doorway. Slade was applying a piece of steak to April’s eye. “What’s the matter with that partner of yours.” Slade demanded angrily.

Illya looked at the two in surprise. “Surely, Napoleon didn’t…?”

April pulled her partner back. “He didn’t do it intentionally, Mark. He meant to hit the wall and I got in the way.”

“I don’t care if he did it on purpose or not.” Mark replied heatedly, “When I get my hands on him…”

Illya was in a state of shock as he left UNCLE headquarters. What exactly had gotten into his partner?

 

_________________________

He entered Napoleons apartment building and was about to press the button of the elevator when door opened to reveal his partner. Napoleon was standing there carrying a small bag. His dress was casual even to the windbreaker, not working clothes at all.

Illya stepped into the elevator blocking Napoleon from leaving it. “Going somewhere?” He asked calmly.

Napoleon felt his stomach drop, he hadn’t expected to see Illya here before he could escape, for escape it was. “I thought I might.” He replied just as calmly.

Illya stared into the face of the man he thought he knew. Surely Napoleon wasn’t running from this, from him. He stepped closer invading Napoleons personal space. “I didn’t know you were a coward.” 

Napoleon looked away and muttered under his breath, “Neither did I.” He looked back up and asked. “Just why are you here?”

Illya backed away a step and shrugged “For some unknown reason Mr. Waverly has made it clear that he doesn’t want you to go.” His frosty blue eyes tried to read the man in front of him. “I can’t believe that you’d run away just because….” He paused to look away. “I can’t believe you’d give up trying to save the world?” 

Napoleon’s jaw clinched unable to look the Russian in the eye. “Just leave it, Illya. Let me go.” He said gruffly. 

There was silence. “I can’t do that.” Illya finally said.

“You can’t stop me. What are you going to do ….shoot me?” Napoleon sneered.

Illya considered that, his eyebrows rose. He pulled his gun, checked to make it contained sleep darts, and fired at his partner.

Napoleon backed away a look of shock on his face. As he fell forward Illya caught him and slung him over his shoulder, turning he pressed the button that would take them back to Napoleon’s apartment.

Illya made his way toward the bedroom and dropped the limp body to the bed. He gazed at the body speculatively before reaching behind his back and removing two sets of cuffs that he kept there. He knew that if he didn’t cuff Napoleon, his partner would try to escape before he could get the answers to his many questions. After he made sure his partner was secured to the bed, he pulled a chair closer to the bed and propping his feet on it waiting.

As Napoleon slowly came back to consciousness his mind registered the fact that he was lying on a soft surface. He glanced around and realized he was back in his apartment. His eyes searched until they lit upon his partner sitting serenely nearby. He tried to get up and found that he could not then he remembered Illya’s cold look as he’d pulled the trigger.

He jerked on the cuffs. “Let me go.” He demanded brusquely.

“I think not.” Illya answered coolly. “I find it hard to believe that you’d leave UNCLE because of – me.”

“I’m not leaving because of you.” Napoleon lied.

Illya dropped his feet from the bed and leaned forward. “Then why?”

Napoleon thought about not answering. “Because you were right.” He said bitterly.

“Right?” The Russian asked in puzzlement. “Right about what?”

“About everything, about me being arrogant and selfish and all the rest. But not about the last, I’d never order you to….never.” His voice was harsh but his words were sincere. He jerked the cuffs again trying to get away and swore under his breath wondering why he’d ever bothered to get a brass bed as the cuffs held him place. “Let – me – go.” He demanded through gritted teeth.

Illya gazed at the taut body on the bed before coming to a decision. He climbed and straddled his partner’s body before dropping his considerable weight on it knocking the wind out of Solo.

“Argh, get off me, you heavy Russian.” Napoleon ordered when he was able to get his breath back.

“You can no longer tell me what to do, my friend. You quit, remember.” Illya said with amusement.

Napoleon sighed. He’d never been able to tell the Russian what to do, even before this. Why should now be any different. He tried anyhow. “Please.” He pleaded.

“I think not.” Illya said casually as he pulled Napoleon’s shirt from his slacks and up over his chest. After admiring the view, his hands went to the nipples and he thumbed them before pinching them.

“Ahhh,” Napoleon moaned and his body arched as he said breathlessly. “Why are you doing this? You made it abundantly clear…”

“Maybe I’ve changed my mind.” Illya supplied as his hands continued their ministration. He wiggled his body making contact with Napoleon’s groin and smiled.

Napoleon closed his eyes shutting out the desire that had risen in them. He continued to jerk on the cuffs trying to free himself. “Change your mind? You? I don’t buy it.” He gasped.

Illya leaned forward and whispered in his ear. “I’m not selling.”

Illya’s communicator went off and he stopped to answer it. “Kuryakin here.”

“Mr. Kuryakin, have you caught up with Mr. Solo yet?” Mr. Waverly inquired. “Several important matters have turned up. Have you got that matter settled yet?”

Illya looked down at Napoleon lying beneath him his chest bare and his breathing ragged. “We are in the middle of negations, sir.” 

“Well, give him what he wants, within reason.” Waverly commanded before signing off in his abrupt manner.

“What negotiations?” Napoleon wanted to know.

“It’s like this, Napoleon, I get what I want and you get what you want.” Illya said seductively as his hands went lower down Napoleon’s chest.

“Ummm, and what is it you want?” Napoleon asked hopefully between intakes of breaths.

Illya considered. “Wining and dining for a start.” 

In between gasps of delight at the path Illya’s hands were making Napoleon managed to respond. “And dancing?”

Illya chuckled. “No, of course not. Though candy would be nice. Also I will be the one in charge. We do this when I say, and how I say. Agreed?”

“Agreed.” At this point Napoleon had nothing to lose. He pushed his groin up pressing it closer to the Russians body atop him. “You do know what your doing? Right?”

“I sure I’ll figure it out, and if necessary I can do research at the public library.” Illya stated as he leaned forward to uncuff his partner.

Napoleon rubbed his wrist. “Grrr.” He growled as he brought his hand behind Illya’s neck and pulled him down for a thoroughly awe-inspiring kiss. 

“Was that necessary?” Illya asked nonplussed.

“I think it was. That’s not up for negotiation by the way.” Napoleon said as he pulled his partner over and covered his lower body with one leg effectively trapping him. He then pulled the black turtleneck his partner wore out of his slacks. He plundered his partners mouth before working his mouth further south to the buds that were fast getting stiff.

They weren’t the only things getting stiff. “I thought it was decided that I would be the one….ahhhh in charge.” Illya protested as Napoleon’s mouth went even lower. 

Napoleon looked up inquiringly, “Did you say something?” He asked.

Illya could only shake his head no as Napoleon went joyfully back to what he was doing.

_________________________

Much later a communicator went off. Napoleon leaned over thru a tangle of sheets and found the communicator amidst the tangle of clothing left on the floor. Rolling on his back he activated the device. “Solo here.”

“Ah, Mr. Solo. I had expected Mr. Kuryakin to answer. Am I to assume that negations have been concluded?”

“Ah, yes sir.” Napoleon sat up pulling the sheet further up around him.

“I hope Mr. Kuryakin wasn’t too brutal.” Waverly went on.

“No, sir.” He said firmly. A slight twinge of pain in Napoleon’s anus reminded him that his partner did not need to do any research at the public library. 

“Very well, I expect to see you both back here Monday morning.” Waverly ordered as he broke the connection. 

Napoleon deactivated the communicator and turned toward the blond Russian sleeping peacefully beside him. A fond smile lit his face as he wondered what kind of condition he’d be in come Monday.

The End.


End file.
